What do you consider to be your best personal attributes and/or characteristics? Why? Give specific examples of what they are, and why you and/or others like those qualities
I believe my best characteristics would be my strong will and my ambition.The reason why I would say that would be because, they both have taken me a long way in my life. If I have set my mind to do something, I make sure that I get it accomplished, no matter how long it takes or how hard the road. I am only human, so sometimes I get frustrated or side tracked but my will to conquer takes me back to the right path. I would have given up on many things that made a big difference in my life if I didn't have the ambition to do better for myself.
A good test of my will and ambition is the sport of boxing. I have to run at least four miles a day. I go to the gym five times a week. have to watch what I eat, I travel alot to different cities to competitions. Everything about boxing is thinking and endurance. You have to work twice as hard. While you are exercising to be at the peak of your performance so is your opponent. Boxing is a very serious and dangerous sport. If you don't have the ambition to learn all you can and the will to win at all cost you can get seriously hurt or even killed. So its safe to say that my best attributes are sort of a life saver.
My ambitions help me go for my dreams of being a champion, it also pushes me to raise my children to be great adults, and it also helped me get on the ball and further my education, so I can get a career that is more accustom to me. The greatest gift I can receive from these characteristics is setting an example for my kids. A strong will to conquer can take you alot of places in life.
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5 comments:
TJ-
It looks to me like what you have here are an intro and conclusion. What I'm looking for in addition to that are specific examples. Add another paragraph in the middle relating details of a story (for instance a boxing match or child rearing). Also, try to trim the fat from your beginning and ending to make the specifics that you will add stand out more.
See you tomorrow!
Best,
Adam
TJ-
Your additional details are right on target in the second paragraph.
My only suggestion is to revise the following run-on sentences from the second paragraph. Make them into several sentences more, using periods in the right places, but without adding too many extra words.
Everything about boxing is thinking and endurance you have to work twice as hard because while you are exercising to be at the peak of your performance so is your opponent. Boxing is a very serious and dangerous sport if you don't have the ambition to learn all you can and the will to win at all cost you can get seriously hurt or even killed.
2 hard to follow
TJ,
I think Jamisha's comment stems primarily from the run-on sentences I mentioned previously. Otherwise, your organizational plan is relatively clear. Jamisha, could you clarify how or why the essay was hard to follow please?
Adam
Tee Jay,
I'm glad you stuck with it because the former run-on sentences now look tight and alright! Those corrections really improved the clarity of the work.
See you tonight,
Adam
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